Nut Mountain residents are concerned the new trees Mayor McElroy purchased for the Avis Wooding Park last spring aren't adapting well to winter. Their leaves are still green and haven't shown the slightest signs of turning to fall colours even though every other tree in town has been bare of leaves for weeks.
"We're looking into," said McElroy. "I don't see what people are up in arms about. The birds seem to like it."
In fact migratory birds that normally fly south in late summer have been spotted in the park--all dead.
"We think the birds were confused by the green leaves and didn't leave before they froze on the branches and fell to the ground like feathered ice cubes," said local birder Eric Peagler. "Why the leaves haven't changed is beyond me, it's been freezing for the last month or so."
Town parks superintendent Lance Nolf thinks the trees Mayor Mack ordered may in fact be fake. "I saw a wood pecker last week lose his beak trying to get at the bark," he said. "I never seen anything like it but at least I don't have to clean up the leaves."
Nolf also noted the trees came prestrung with lights when they arrived in April.
Photo: Jeremy Vandel
Nut Mountain mayor Jim "Mack" McElroy is asking town residents with any connection to Libya to come forward so that the town can pursue negotiations for former dictator Moammar Gadhafi's remains. McElroy, under pressure from the business community to halt the town's rapidly declining population due to outmigration and a statistically high accident rate, sees an opportunity for the town to gain a niche tourist attraction.
"I'm not saying we build the bastard a museum," said McElroy, "but if we did, I think it'd be a good idea."
The mayor seeks to acquire the head of Gadhafi to encase in glass and display at the town square, at a special permanent exhibit, or in a special wing of the Pioneer Museum.
"If we can't get the head, or find that we can't afford the head, we'd look at something else like a hand or a foot," said the mayor. "I'm not sure what condition his buttocks are in but I think that would work too if it was done tastefully," he added.
Ted Chenail, curator of the Pioneer Museum, says not all body parts are appropriate. "We usually try to get a head, generally speaking. We have a long tradition of acquiring heads and have developed a reputation for it in the area." Most of the pioneers on display at the museum are in the form of heads, either sculpted or mummified.
Chenail does see a Gadhafi exhibit profiting the museum and local tourism. "Ever since the refrigeration system broke down and we lost Grey Owl's ears, traffic has been way down." Chenail predicts a Gadhafi head would be good for Nut Mountain and encourages residents to contact the mayor if they have any information.
If successful, the mayor foresees the Nut Mountain Gadhafi exhibit open May long weekend through Labor Day. The mayor also said that he'd like the museum staff to cut and groom the dictator's hair to something "more presentable" before putting his head on display. "We don't want to get disgusting here," he said.
call Al at 555-6918 or 555-6919 outside of bar hours. Best offer.
Mayor McElroy was present for a relighting ceremony of the 3rd Avenue street light which was dark since April 3rd and caused several residents in a nearby home to flee town.
"I know this street light not working has caused great hardship for some in this neighbourhood," said the mayor. "I believe those dark days are over, L-O-L." The mayor has recently become confused about using online language in public speeches.
Malinda Moberg, a cake decorator at an area funeral home, lives under the street light and is concerned for her neighbours who fled.
"They were terrified that something supernatural caused the outage and they packed up a few things and left one night," said Moberg. "I just pray that they're okay."
Mayor Mack told us he's been told the family is okay. "I've had word that they are out in the woods and doing okay. We had someone check on them last month," said McElroy.
Town engineer Darrin McIvor says the light in the fixture was sent away for testing. "The results came back that it had just expired," said McIvor. "They don't last forever."
Once the town got the test results back a new bulb was ordered from the supplier.
"We expect the bulb to work for years barring anything three-dimensional happening," said McIvor.
Come to 34 Elm and walk slowing up the walk and stop before the front step. If you don't stop at the front step you will be shot. If you run up to the front step you will be shot. If you growl you will be shot. If your eyes don't look right you will be shot. If you are carrying a decapitated head you will be shot.
We have lots of guns and ammo for the living. Get over here now.
One woman is missing after a pot hole on Main Street turned into a sink hole and area residents are horrified by the possibility a zombie uprising once predicted by Mayor Jim McElroy may be underway. Eighty-three year-old Nut Mountain resident Harriett Herdman, who recently was released from hospital after waiting all night for a malfunctioning walk light, is missing and presumed dead, or in China.
"Obviously we're making phone calls to Beijing on this issue but we're not optimistic," said Chad Langhorst, Director of Infrastructure Incidents with the town. "Her shopping cart and purse are down there, along with two bottles of fungus ointment purchased earlier this afternoon at the drug store."
Mountaineers have been confined to their homes, many with shotguns at the ready, due to rumours spread on social media claiming the hole is the beginning of a zombie uprising. Mayor Mack, however, denied the rumours on his Twitter account, telling residents to be calm and that he's been told zombies are not responsible.
However, the mayor has not been available for comment since then. His truck is not at town hall, parked outside Hazel's Bar and Grill or at his home. A neighbour, who wishes to remain anonymous, told us McElroy packed up some survival gear, loaded his truck with gasoline containers and sped out of town late this afternoon.
Staff from The News witnessed shots being fired at town workers who were cordoning off the sink hole area late Friday. A standoff may still be underway between police and frightened residents who assume the police are zombies.
Area geologist Darell Neveux said sink holes are caused by chemical processes affecting rocks but could also be caused by water main breaks in towns and cities. However he would not categorically rule out a zombie uprising either.
"Until that little old lady is found, and found to be in good condition--ie not a zombie--then I'm not going to say it's impossible," said Neveux.
Stay with us for further coverage.
Photo: William Gunn
Some Nut Mountain residents are outraged the Mayor has decreed a ban on shovels this Halloween. The measure bans all shovels in public places after 5:00 pm October 31, 2011 until noon the next day, thwarting a long-standing tradition of body exhuming on All Hallows' Eve.
"We were all geared up for this year when McElroy peed on our parade," said Erik
Mcclenton, owner of Mcclenton's Art Supplies and Aquariums. "He's taking away our right to dig up corpses. It's like living in communist France."
Mcclenton is part of a group that began exhuming graves on Halloween around Nut Mountain in the late 1990s. The annual activity now has dozens of enthusiastic participants of all ages and is considered a town tradition along side Easter Hub Cap Shooting Days and the Nut Mountain Christmas Vomiting Contest. Some argue it's bad for tourism while others claim it was a popular family outing.
"My daughter is only five and she loved coming out with us last year," said Marylou Baney, a forty-five year-old wedding planner. "She loves digging in the dirt with her hands and finding a bone or two." Baney adds that it's a very educational activity for youngsters.
"I had to re-bury my mother last year," said the mayor. "She ain't getting any prettier."
Mostly, the mayor says, the practice is expensive for the town who has to put the bodies back in the ground November 1st., and, he says, digging bodies is not considered sanitary. He points out that decomposing corpses carry "all sorts of bacteria and strange worms."
Mountaineers who have shovels confiscated on Halloween will not have them returned until gardening season in the spring.
Photo: U.S. Dept of Agriculture